Funny Friday

I know I haven't been here much this week. I have felt BLAH!! Lack of sleep for sure.....both kids have been climbing in my bed EVERY NIGHT this week?? B has been gone ALL week at night too!!

So, to finish off this week- thought I would give you a laugh to last all weekend long!!

The weather has been sooooo nice this week so we have played outside a lot. And thanks to my trusty new fence.....I can actually walk back in and check on laundry or supper....etc....the never ending mom jobs!!

On Tuesday I got supper going- then off to the back yard to play. I checked the mail first with the help of my two always present & willing to help, helpers who if it was not for JUNK mail some days they would have nothing to argue & fight about all the way to the mailbox!!! "I get the Mail..." I make them split holding a letter a piece always making sure they get JUNK....not to accidentally loose important bills!!

We walked back to the house, I then unlocked the back gate, laid the mail DOWN on the table on the back porch. I usually look through the mail on the way back but for some reason I just handed them their "MAIL" and walked along. They placed theirs on the table to and off to play!!

I sat and enjoyed the presence of Maizie and her puppy breath....then I told the boys "I am going to go inside and check on supper." I walked out of the gate- locked it behind me. So glad there is a LOCK they cannot reach....it would be awful if I had to worry about them getting OUT and into trouble OUTSIDE of the fence!!

I then proceeded in the house, leaving the back door open so I could hear them and half way see them through the fence. As I was mixing up cornbread they interrupted me 100 times as usual. I walked to the fence talked to them and then came back.

T then told me "Mama, some one sent you money in the mail today!" I didn't think much of it- seeing how I didn't see the GOLDEN envelope we have been looking forward to receiving from Uncle Sam....you know the one with Lady Liberty on it.....TAX RETURN!!!

So, I figured it was some stupid "fake check" he was talking about that you get from a car dealer that says some stupid gimmick on it!! Honestly, the child has NEVER opened the mail EVER?!?! I really didn't think much of the comment. I just responded "Oh good- be there in a minute to look at it."

I slid the cast iron skillet full of cornbread in the oven, washed my hands and headed out the door. As I approached the gate- My eyes got bigger and bigger I know, because I almost TRIPPED on my own JAW!!

There was T standing with a CHECK out of the envelope......covered in DIRT from the IRS!!! Oh My!!! He was so proud.... "Look mama I helped you open the mail, and I found a check for you- someone sent you some money for your missions trip!!" As I quickly removed the check from his hands and thought, the bank is NEVER gonna take this?? I looked at the table, there on the table was a WHITE envelope that was torn beyond recognition!!

I have NO IDEA how that check made it out alive......and then to get a tour of the backyard- dip in the mud hole. Oh, to be a fly in the backyard. I told him how important it is to not open any one's mail......and then was still shaking my head in disbelief......WHEN DID THE IRS CHANGE THERE ENVELOPES???? Has it not always been in a GOLDEN ENVELOPE!!! I WOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT LADY LIBERTY IN THE BACKYARD.....EVER!!!

Luckily, the bank took our dirty laundered money......but they had NO CLUE where that check had ever been!! Have a Good Weekend....Keep it CLEAN!!!

Mollie

Silly Saturday

Oh my....it is times like these when I wish I had not given up Facebook for Lent....to make people laugh and smile......at my unpredictable child!!!

I was finishing up my hair in the bathroom one morning- put Handy Manny in the dvd player. I thought it would keep the table climbing kid still JUST FOR A MOMENT. Did I mention that his new trick is not just climb on the table now.....but stand and reach for the ceiling fan string and pull it!! Yes, Lovely next thing ya know he will be HANGING FROM IT!!! Cannot tell you how many times I have spanked him for getting on the table.....KID NEVER LEARNS!!!

So, now that he has this new trick- IF I LEAVE THE ROOM.....he makes a beeline for the dining room table. Handy Manny usually works. USUALLY key word here!!

Oh but WAIT....just when you think he is all out of TRICKS..... he can now OPEN A CHILD PROOF LOCK!!!! Not only is he a very talented climber....but a lock picker too!!! Oh, I hope and pray this is all leading to some where good for his future. Not and escapee artist!!

What cabinet does every mother usually have LOCKED UP?? Yep you guessed it- UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK....why?? All the cleaning supplies....right??

Well, guess which one slick Rick choose to open up?? You guessed it!! As I am finishing my hair and spraying, putting in my earrings....final touches until we leave to run errands- I glance in the living room. And for a second look I see C is not there- but T like his ANGEL self is just sitting watching Manny & his tools work!

So, I immediately go on the HUNT.....if C is quiet.....it is dangerous. I look into the kitchen!!! Oh my!!! I see him kneeling in the kitchen floor with glass cleaner in one hand and a multi-purpose cleaner in the next. He is squirting the WHOLE FLOOR!!! As I pick up the pace to get to him I start saying "NO..NO...C put those down....stop spraying!!!"

He sees me and starts standing up then like a crazy man starts double fisting and pumping the triggers on the handles like he is pumping for GOLD!!! He then seeing I am moving toward him quicker- DROPS the slow bottle and starts double fisting one!!! He is all at the same time looking at me and moving all around the kitchen!

Once I arrived in the kitchen.....overwhelmed by FUMES!!! I am glad I had enough thought to tip toe through the NEW RIVER in the FLOOR!!! Otherwise I think I would have busted it BIG TIME!!!. The floor was slick as snot!! He looks up at me and says in his sweet voice "I KLEEN!"

I reached for the cleaner and said "NO we don't do this!!" As I sent him to the chair- I looked around.....the WHOLE KITCHEN....WALLS......CABINETS......FRIDGE....FLOOR!!!! Sparkling clean with streaks!!! I took my eyes off him for 3-5 minutes tops???

Then I went and talked to him before he received his punishment. I asked him "Do you know what you did in the kitchen and getting into the cabinet and squirting the cleaner all over everything was wrong....yes or no?" He then looks at me and says "yes or no!" Oh my!!! He all at the same time is giggling and smiling!!!

Then I asked differently with a firm voice and straight face...."Did you learn that we don't do this?" He looked at me with those sweet blue eyes...."uh.....I learned about Jesus!" I had to keep from smiling...this is the answer he gives us every time we leave church- I will ask the boys what they learned?? All at the same time I was thinking.....Kid you are gonna see Jesus sooner if you don't stop doing this stuff!! I made him sit there a little longer as part of his punishment....which is punishment for him- he likes to GO!!!

As I was cleaning it all up and wiping everything down, I had to laugh when the thought of my friend Stacy and her little girl came to mind. Look at her post HERE from a few weeks ago. I pray each day for my kids and their future spouses. I thought- hmmmm what would happen if these two got together!!!Now wouldn't that be a pair!!! She likes to draw....he likes to clean!!!

Have a Good Weekend!!!

P.S. Good thing I use Melaluca products.....they are natural & safe for kids to be around!!
Mollie

Funny Friday

Here's my NEW FENCE......NEW CLOTHES LINE.....all in one!!!

My drying rack I have had for 10+ years decided to break.....so I had no other choice. I cannot dry B's jeans in the dryer.....they might shrink. Not to mention I can ONLY wash 2 pairs at time in a super capacity washer!! It is hard to come by a 42x40 size jeans so don't want them to shrink!!! So I had no resort....just had to throw them over the edge of our new fence!!

Next thing I know I am going to hear Jeff Foxworthy say "you might be a redneck if....you hang your jeans out to dry on the brand new fence!!"

Nothing like paying GOOD money to have a fence built to hang your clothes on and keep the spoiled dog in the house!! Thanks Renee....good point!! HA!!

Mollie

Funny Friday

Here is one more look at that floppy fireman hat....that needs some starch.

While we were folding clothes this week- he was busy fighting fires of his own!!

Gotta love it!!!

Have a Good Weekend!!

Mollie

Funny Friday

OK this week I have been setting all kinds of stuff on eBay. So many things that the kids are afraid they are next!! ( I stole it from Dave Ramsey) 25 AUCTIONS in ALL- 67 items!!!

Anyway I guess that T hears me talk about eBay a lot. So he knows a little about it- and that it has to do with the computer.

When we were in OK for my grandma's funeral poor B- he was running around keeping track of 2 busy boys while I was visiting or who knows what!

At one point B lost track of C- He then looked at T and said "where is your brother?" T responded in a frustrated voice " He is in there in Grana's computer looking up stuff on eBay!"



Then Yesterday as I was punishing T in his bedroom- I make him sit on the bed, them I come in and talk to him while I am stroking the mini boat paddle we spank them with. Talk about scary moments in the eyes of a child!!

Anyway, I was talking to him and asking him "why" he did what he did was wrong- I then spanked him and talked about how NOT to DO IT again!! Then I hugged him as I always do and tell him " I love you and I don't like to spank you, but you must obey so I don't have to spank you any more!"

He looked at me and said " Can we buy a boat- so we can go fishing, then I will take that paddle and keep it in the boat- so you cannot spank me with it ever again!!" I said "No this is a spanking paddle and that is what it is for- and it is HEAR to STAY!!"

Then he quickly replied....." Well, then when I grow up I am gonna SELL it on EBAY!!!"

I had to turn around so he would not see me laugh!!! Kids they really are listening when you think they aren't and REALLY pay attention!!!

Have a Good Weekend!!!
We are CELEBRATING C's BIG 2nd Birthday Party on Saturday...pictures to come!!

Mollie

Funny Friday...sorta

OK what a week- I am still sorting....Lordy I have so much scrapbook stuff!! Usually it puts me in the mood to crop when I start looking at the cute stickers, paper, die cuts...etc......not this week- I am ready to be done with this stuff!!



But as most of you know- when I do my busy work is during nap time. I have a building in my backyard- use to be my beauty shop when I did hair. That is the same building that my office is in. So when the kids lay down for a 2 hour nap each afternoon- I fly out of the house....locking the door behind me of course.....I am like a 747 leaving for take off. Getting all I can accomplish done in 2 hours!



I have a baby monitor on in the office- so the least bit of moving around I find a stopping point and putter back home.......but...but... I did not finish......I have to tell myself- there is always tomorrow. I am one of these people who- when I start something- I want it done YESTERDAY!!


So, this is so hard for me to stop in the middle of a mess!! I usually will lay in T's bed stroking his soft little sweaty blonde locks of hair as he is waking up...only to pick him up and carry his nearly 50 pound body to the recliner to rock and watch a few cartoons together. Then C will give a little whimper- usually when he hears the TV come on. I then go retrieve him from him beaver den.


Although we had a visitor this week- right in the middle of the whole laying down with T. He had only been asleep 45 mins- so I was trying to get him back down.


Then as his blue eyes were rolling back into his head. There was a knock at the door- wait......A HUGE BANG....BANG....BANG!!!! I mean like beating the door down to tell us there is smoke coming out of the house BEATING!!!


As I leap out of his bed- he then is FULLY awake now! I run to the back door- only to find some weirdo standing in my carport!!


As I opened the door- keep in mind we have a door with the blinds in the middle of the glass.....therefore when the blinds are shut.....assume SOMEONE IS SLEEPING!!!


The salesman who was about to jump all over the place obviously had ADHD or something started to YELL....."HI I AM IN THE AREA TODAY SELLING".....and just before he could finish........


I riped off the nice little sweet mother mask and threw on the MAMA BEAR MASK.......I told him in a VERY FIRM WHISPER....." hey I don't care what you are selling, I have two kids who are sleeping- probably not now because you have almost knocked my door down from knocking so loudly......I am NOT INTERESTED in ANYTHING FROM YOU- I suggest you get back in your truck and leave sir!!!"


I so felt like Kate Gosslin at the time when I was saying it.....Gotta love the MAMA BEAR in all of us moms!! Nothing like waking up your kids when you are TRYING to get a chore done!!


At our house during nap time....if you don't tip toe through the house....some one WILL HEAR YOU!!!


Back to the dude selling MEAT from a FREEZER in the BACK OF HIS TRUCK.....for all I know it was some kinda ROAD KILL!!! Let's have mystery meat for supper honey....NO THANK YOU!!


Anyway, as he slowly picked up half of his hiney I had chewed up and spit out on the carport- he then tiptoed away saying in a very quiet whisper "oh I am sorry...God Bless You....hope your day is better!"


I then shut the door feeling about as big as an ant....he probably the one who sent the Jehovah Witness the next day!!


Walking into the next room only to find one little groggy 4 year old and a screaming almost two year old in the next moment!!


Gotta Love Nap Time While it LASTS!! You might not think that was all that funny- but I am hear to tell you- WHEN THE BLINDS ARE CLOSED....DON'T COME A KNOCKN'!!


What is a blog with out a picture of the boys...all week....I found this one.....coming home from Oklahoma last week- George too!!

Mollie

PLEASE Don't try this in your Car!!

Here it is the story that everyone keeps asking me about......

Yes, this is real the names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.

Just as it happened one sun shining glorious February Day.

I was traveling to a check-up appointment for my little C. I have traveled down this road many times and done the same thing before.....only this time I got BUSTED!!!

As I was driving listening to "the wheels on the bus" as we do most of the time in the car. I was traveling my normal 55 mph. Because that is the law. Needless to say I have slowed down tremendously, since I am caring precious cargo in the back now. And when I travel on this highway we were on, I usually meet many 18 wheelers. Today was no different. I also run into an occasional Arkansas State Trooper ( dun dun dun...)

On this trip I met a AR State Trooper and moments later I met an 18 wheeler. Just as any law abiding self respecting truckers wife would do..... I flashed my headlights at the trucker. Then to my surprise my dashboard friend....fuzz buster let me know real quick......that was not so smart!There right behind the large truck was a FULL GROWN BEAR!

It did not take a genius to figure out you don't flash your headlights at another state trooper to warn him of the one you just met. But, it does mean you need to go to the eye doctor IMMEDIATELY!!!

A few miles down the road, I thought....whew..... I really got away with that. But wait faster than a speeding bullet....there he was! Right on my bumper! Ah Rats!!

I warned T in the back seat "OK mama has just done something wrong, I am gonna stop and this police officer is going to come and talk to me- BUT, everything is gonna be OK!" T is definitely the question asking three year old and not to mention a great storyteller. I was thinking to myself- Great everyone is gonna know about this!

As the sharply dressed uniformed officer walked to my window- I know that feeling. I have been down this road before- but usually for speeding. The knot in my throat got bigger and my stomach got higher in my throat! (have you been there?)

This is the conversation as follows:

ARST: " I am assuming you have NO doubt in your mind why I pulled you over!!!!"

Me: "Yes Sir, I flashed my headlights at the 18 wheeler. I did not know you were behind him."

ARST: "And why would you flash your headlights at me to tell me that my fellow Trooper was ahead of me?"

Me: "Well sir- I just thought that is what truckers do??" (Gee I did not know you were there honestly!! I promise!! I was thinking)

ARST: "Did you know that there has been escapes from the jail- there are 3 child predators, 2 rapist, and 2 murderers out and we are looking for them!" He said with pure anger in his voice.

Me: "Oh sir I did not know that there were escapees?"

ARST: "Well there wasn't but, if there were- you would have warned them about a trooper they would have turned around and then they could have come to your toward your house and possibly harmed you! I don't write that many tickets on this road, I am out here for your protection and to slow people down!"

(OK that put it in a whole new perspective)

Me: "Officer I am really sorry that I did that, I really never thought of it that way. I just thought of it as something truckers do." (did I mention I have blonde hair)

ARST: " Go ahead and give me your insurance and registration. I'll be back"

He then walked back to his car. I looked in the back seat and my two boys were wide eyed and T was about to bust with questions- It was all over his face.

"Mama" he said with fear in his voice "is he gonna take you to jail for flashing your lights at that truck?" WHAT??? He was right in with what was going on....man they don't miss a thing!

"No, I have my seat belt on and I was not speeding- everything will be okay" I reassured him.

He then asked if he could talk to him. I told him it just depends. *wink* If mama gets a ticket I was thinking!

The trooper came back to my window. As I took off my dark sunglasses and batted my BIG blue eyes....thinking that would help- hey I was desperate!

He told me that he should arrest me- this was a criminal offense! To my surprise flashing your headlights to warn other drivers of another police is Obstructing Government Operations!!

Geez- I had NO CLUE!! Anyway, he had mercy on me and gave me a warning. The eyes worked!! No really I think the two kids in the back seat even though they did not make a peep he knew they needed their mama. Plus not to mention I just honestly told him I the truth. I feel that when you lie you are just digging a grave you cannot climb out of.

*Oh the things that I could have said... " that was my husband in the truck", "I knew that trucker- I work the parking lots", "what have you got those prisons lined with paper- I swear they escape every week.", "yeah right you don't write tickets what do you do out here eat donuts?" wait wait one more... "hey there officer I was flashing my lights at you so I could get you to stop me so I could see you up close- you are one fine lookin' man!!" *

No really, I totally respect anyone in a uniform. No matter how brazen or tough they might come across as- that is there job. For all of the hours they put there life on the line for my life.

Before he walked away I asked him if my son could talk with him. He responded "yes" as he puffed out his chest with pride. Then I rolled down the back window. Seeing the two toddlers sitting in there tightly buckled car seats, he melted. T then took over from there......" Thank You for being our Hero." As the trooper chuckled he said "you're welcome- I am glad you boys have your seat belts on." Then he tapped the side of my car and said "Have a Good Day!"

As I drove off I thanked the Lord for Favor on my part...out loud. I thanked God for mercy and for giving me the right words to say at the right time. I then looked at the piece of paper he gave me- called his name out and asked the Lord to Bless him and protect him and his family for having mercy on me.

Slow it down out there....Have a Good Day....and take my warning don't flash your headlights!!

Mollie

Could I PLEASE just have a spoon??

Recently I have had a few run-ins with spoon problems. First, B & I had a date night. Stopped by the Local Sonic. When she brought my Hot Fudge Sundae....mmmm yummm. The girl handed B the ice cream and said " Sorry we are out of spoons." WHAT??? My quick thinking husband said "Could you bring her a fork!" with a laugh. Why did they NOT tell us that when we ordered. Luckily he ordered his favorite Chocolate Milk Shake with Carmel.

Then on our six hour drive to see my parents for Easter, we stopped at a McD's in the lovely toll road in OK. I once again ordered a Hot Fudge Sunday. The girl looked at me and said " Would you like a spoon?" As my jaw dropped to the counter top I said " No, that is okay I will wait until it melts then drink it!" She said "OK" HELLO!!!! or as I like to say "Mc FLY" (those of you back to the future watchers will catch it) This guy in line behind me was laughing uncontrollably and said " you almost did not get one."

One more..... Today I went to our local McD's and ordered this..... ICED Hazelnut Coffee. The lady responded on the intercom "would you like it hot or cold?" Can I get another HELLO???
As I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue I said " Iced Please" Instead of saying "Please make that Iced coffee hot so it can melt the ice" By the way YES the Iced coffee is great at McD's.

Maybe God is just trying to tell me "Thou shalt not eat Hot Fudge Sundays & Hazelnut coffee"

OK- your turn tell me what crazy things you have run into in public places???

Mollie