Tuesday, November 10, 2009

10 on the Tenth

My Ten things today are about my Husband's favorite subject....
To Honor him on his 33rd Birthday today here it is...

seeing fit that this is the opening weekend for modern gun season in AR!
You must remember this is from MY perspective- not a Hunter's!!!

1. You MUST have the correct CAMO to wear in the woods... therefore you can trick Bambi's father into coming REALLY close to you.... Head to Toe you must be covered for example... here is a picture of a young T at 2. Once you have that you need to add an orange vest & hat for safety... so another hunter will not mistake you for Bambi!

2. In order to get to the woods... you MUST drive a 4 wheel drive pick-up truck with character. It cannot be showroom floor material or you will get laughed out of the woods.... by the deer!! In these pictures you will see 3 grown men all over the height of 6 feet tall- SQUEEZED in to the red ford truck that has 4 wheel drive and character.... this is the ONLY time you will ever see men sitting this close and smiling- it is ok when you are going hunting... to smile a little... it is FUN!!

3. You must have a proper gun... not like T is holding up in this picture... a wooden pop- gun. This will only frighten the deer away not kill them- so this is not a good choice. You can refer to the post on this date for a proper gun for a young hunter to carry... especially when it is free from the NRA!

4. Don't be scared of the Deer.... they are your friend.... they will see you or hear you and run away- you must sit in total silence and not move at all....movement and talking is BAD.... very BAD!!! Therefore I do not HUNT!!!

5. It is nice to take a hunting partner with you- Keep you company only as long as they are quiet and don't move.... this one got the job done.... WELL DONE HUNTER!!!

6. Start them young... very young.... nursing babies that don't make a sound.... yeah right!! Maybe just dress them up in camo on opening day for a good photo opt. Kinda like Elmer Fudd below.... cannot even stand.... but what a great camo outfit!! Fashion matters even in Camo!!

7. Speaking of Photos.... This is a VERY good time to take photos of men.... LOTS of smiles and none of them fake.... pure joy!!! Also, make sure the child doesn't have a dirty diaper prior to making him sit next to a dead deer he is scared to death of with sharp antlers as big as his head. He was probably worried they might POP his belly!!!

8. ANTLERS..... don't call them that- call them.... HORNS..... and LOT OF 'EM!!!! I am from the city- we called them antlers.... I was laughed out of the room, therefore I refer to them a HORNS... the BIGGER THE BETTER.... as long as your wedding ring can hang on it... it is a POINT.... the MORE POINTS... the BIGGER the BUCK.... the BETTER THE HUNTER!!!

9. Always carry a sharp pocket knife with you.... that is how you skin this deer that you have brought home to your wife and children..... then pound your chest.. he will say "me bring meat home woman" and take out his knife cut it off and hand the warm meat to her You respond by saying"me proud of man who bring meat home... me just jump in me Tahoe and take it to have it butchered.... me only cook!!"

10. You as a woman will be known as a "deer hunter's widow"...Be PROUD of your Husband having a hobby and going deer hunting.... it is ONLY the BEST TIME in the WORLD to GO SHOPPING.... Hello, he is gone from dawn to dusk..... you will have plenty of time shop all day- hit ALL the SALES then to slip in those oversized shopping bags... and hide them in the closet before he drives up in that 4 wheel drive truck and pounds his chest ready to eat that meat!!

Happy Birthday to the Greatest- Hunter, Daddy, Husband there ever has been-



mer@lifeat7000feet said...

SO funny, Mollie!

You know you're from the South when you can post a list like this (or relate to it!).

Those pictures made me smile. I miss your family and your inlaws! That last pic is my favorite.

O Mom said...

This is so funny!! Yet so true, I too am a "widow" this time of year. I don't think I have shared any posts with my husband but can't wait to show him this!!

Mandy said...

Love this! Hope Blake has a nice Birthday!

Gretchen said...

This was so much fun to read. Although, it looks as if you might have a young member of PETA in your family. :)

Amber said...

Amen, sister.


I'm from LA, too!!!! And I'm wearing the black of the deer widow this season, too!! How fun.

And you are so right about this being the time to take pictures of the men....

Carpool Queen said...

It's my husband's birthday, too! How weird is that? He enjoys dove hunting....I enjoy that he doesn't bring them home.